I don't know if I told you. But I'm in Las Vegas. We have a gig this week. I need to make a big payment for school. So this was a mixed blessing for me! I need the money, but this is the last week of classes.
My only concerns for the week were; to perform every night for almost a week, hoping my clothes fit, getting my homework done, trying to keep up with work, and maybe catching a glimpse of the NASCAR action. I never thought I would run into an old classmate.
After we performed last night, we went to a party that our boss was throwing for some VIPs. We get paid to mingle with them. At nearly 2AM, I was beat and took a few minutes to clear my head. And I ran into a guy that I went to high school with. I almost didn't recognize him. But he recognized me. Apparently, he had been at our show.
And I was a little shocked by what he told me. "Our ugly duckling grew up to be a pretty princess." What in the world is that supposed to mean? I have never thought I was attractive. Ever! I struggled with my crazy hair, until I met the flat iron. And my makeup skills were limited to what I had to wear for cheerleading; bright pink cheeks, red lips, and blue eyeshadow. We looked like dolls! Add in the polyester uniforms, and you got what I wore 4 days a week!
But I never thought of myself as an "Ugly Duckling." I never felt like a "Homecoming Queen," but I didn't think I was doing so badly either. Apparently I was. OK, so I found out there was a bet about me. I found out just after we graduated. That was bad enough. But really, could it get worse?
I'm short. And quiet. Some people say shy. That could be true. But I just think I am quiet, unless I am around my friends. I was a major nerd in school. I still feel like one. But I don't care anymore. That's the difference. This guy, he is still stuck in high school. Wanting to be Mr. Popular again. I'm moving forward with my life.
I think I just shocked him. Because I am singing. Performing in Las Vegas. Getting to wear cute little dresses and red soled shoes. I don't know what he is up to. But my life as a performer, it is pretty fun. Granted, it's only 1% of my life. The rest of the time, I am scrapping for money and wearing scrubs. Working a 100+ hours a week! But for a few days a year, I get to be Cinderella.
I had never been so happy to be dripping in diamonds and having a bodyguard following me. It just makes me think, I am doing something right. And even if I am still the "Ugly Duckling," at least I'm having fun! At least I'm happy with the woman that I am.
I get paid to hangout with my friends. To perform and sing. I'm staying in one of the most amazing suites Las Vegas has to offer. But I am just happy with myself right now. Take away all the glamour, the Mafia poker games, the VIP friends...and I'm still happy with me. Because I know at the end of the week, we will fly home. And life will go back to normal. I'll go back to work and school. And counting my quarters to buy a box of macaroni. But still happy to be alive and making a positive difference in our world.
I also have a great group of friends. The kind that stick right next to you. The kind that catch you right before you fall in life. Maybe I don't look like a model. Or have a boyfriend. And maybe I crochet too much. But I am making a life to be proud of. Working hard. Providing a home and food for myself. I have amazing Goddaughters to love. And at the end of the day, I have more people than most that love me just like I am.
So maybe I was a nerd in school. Maybe there was a bet on me. Maybe I was not popular. And I was the only senior that didn't make it into the senior video. Heck, I don't even talk to anyone from high school anymore. But I did accomplished a lot in high school. More than just being a cheerleader and in the top 10 of my class. And since then, I have done so much more for myself!
I have chased after my dreams. Taken time to take care of my family. I have a home. A home that is mine. Not one that I have to rent. I have made the kind of friends that feel more like family. And I am getting a college education. Debt free I might add. It has not been an easy road. But it has been my road to travel. And if being the "Ugly Duckling" that finally grew up, brought me to this very place in my life, I would never change a thing. Everything in my life has shaped the woman that sits here typing today. And I'm happy with the woman that looks back at me in the mirror. All 5'0" of me! Including my very "Italian" nose!!!
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
Showing posts with label Mis Charlas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mis Charlas. Show all posts
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Am I a Bad Person?
I feel horrible right now. Not the way I thought today was going to go. Not in the least bit. After all, I finally finished Emma Grace's nursery. Every ladybug in it's place. Pink blankets and cute bows fill her new nursery. But I still feel worse that a blood-sucking leech!
I broke the hearts of Marissa, Maribel, and Lauren. Because I really can't afford to go see them perform! I wish I could. But I can't. And there is nothing I can do about that small fact. Yes, 2 months ago, I asked for tonight off. Just so I could see them take the big stage. Not to mention, to see my friends perform. Heck, at one point, I thought I might actually play too! And of course, to get to see Pepe Aguilar. My favorite singer. The one that I have already missed 4 times, in the last 6 months. But $67 is just too much for me.
Especially, considering that I didn't have enough money, to pay my tuition payment yesterday. I used my entire paycheck from J. But it wasn't enough. Which seems to be a rather common occurrence this semester. So how can I justify spending $67? Heck, I couldn't afford the fee to go to the park, earlier today.
I feel bad. I felt bad when Maribel, my goddaughter, sat there and cried. Because I had to tell her, that I couldn't go see her tonight. But what am I supposed to do? I just finished the shows in Las Vegas. I work for J. But it is never enough. Never! School is literally sucking the life out of me. And every penny that I can get my hands on. Right at this very minute, I have $2.41 to my name. Not even enough to buy a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk.
This is my situation. Yes, I was the one that walked away from the music business, to pursue a medical degree. Because that is what people expected of me. But I never thought, it would mean, isolating myself from the people I love. Or going without food. Or heat, because I just can't afford it.
Talk about having one's character tested. I feel like mine gets more than just a daily test. I try holding it together. Not letting people see the cracks. Hiding my weakness. Pushing them further and further down. But at the same time, those things are breaking me. I feel like my soul is being shattered. No matter how hard I work to keep it together, it just doesn't work!
And to make things worse. I got into a fight with my dad. I called my parents, just to say Hi! And it turned into WWIII. Why can't people see things from my perspective? I'm trying my hardest. The only way I know how. And it is still not enough? It's not enough for my dad. But then again, my dad expects me to do everything, without so much as a second thought. Why can't my dad see that I have too much on my plate? Or that his daughter needs 5 minutes of peace and quiet. Why can't he see that I am just a human being? Just like the rest of his kids. Someone who needs sleep, food, and an occasional day off. But he doesn't. He doesn't understand my insistence of doing things for myself. Of being an independent woman. The woman that he taught me to be.
When I was a kid, he told me to be independent. Not to rely on anyone. Never to depend on a man for money, status, love, happiness, etc. To go out there and do it for myself. My dad told me that there would be rough days ahead. But with a plan, some sacrifice, and a whole lot of willpower, I could get anything done. So that is exactly what I am doing right now. Why can't he see it?
Do I feel horrible? Yes! On a day, that should have been filled with thoughts of a brand new baby girl and the most glorious music in the world, I am sitting here miserable. To the depths of my soul, wondering what kind of person I am. Crying and trying to understand the struggles and lessons that God has laid out before me.
As an adult, even I am somewhat lost. I can just imagine what a 4 year old and 2-2 year olds are feeling. But I need to look past it. Past Mems insisting that he would pay for a ticket. Because his daughter, my other Goddaughter, really wanted me to be there tonight. I see this as a test. A test of strength and willpower. One day, one day in my future, I will be able to afford the necessities in life. Regular and descent meals. And maybe even a concert or 2.
Until then, there is a pile of laundry that needs to be washed. A toilet that needs to be cleaned. And a pile of files that needs my attention. What a glamorous life I live! I once took a stage, played for thousands of people a night. Made them smile, laugh, and helped them to have a good time. Tonight, I will be scrubbing the bathroom. And lugging my dirty laundry to my friend's house. Because not even my washing machine has the will to go on. Here's to a good night of housework!
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
I broke the hearts of Marissa, Maribel, and Lauren. Because I really can't afford to go see them perform! I wish I could. But I can't. And there is nothing I can do about that small fact. Yes, 2 months ago, I asked for tonight off. Just so I could see them take the big stage. Not to mention, to see my friends perform. Heck, at one point, I thought I might actually play too! And of course, to get to see Pepe Aguilar. My favorite singer. The one that I have already missed 4 times, in the last 6 months. But $67 is just too much for me.
Especially, considering that I didn't have enough money, to pay my tuition payment yesterday. I used my entire paycheck from J. But it wasn't enough. Which seems to be a rather common occurrence this semester. So how can I justify spending $67? Heck, I couldn't afford the fee to go to the park, earlier today.
I feel bad. I felt bad when Maribel, my goddaughter, sat there and cried. Because I had to tell her, that I couldn't go see her tonight. But what am I supposed to do? I just finished the shows in Las Vegas. I work for J. But it is never enough. Never! School is literally sucking the life out of me. And every penny that I can get my hands on. Right at this very minute, I have $2.41 to my name. Not even enough to buy a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk.
This is my situation. Yes, I was the one that walked away from the music business, to pursue a medical degree. Because that is what people expected of me. But I never thought, it would mean, isolating myself from the people I love. Or going without food. Or heat, because I just can't afford it.
Talk about having one's character tested. I feel like mine gets more than just a daily test. I try holding it together. Not letting people see the cracks. Hiding my weakness. Pushing them further and further down. But at the same time, those things are breaking me. I feel like my soul is being shattered. No matter how hard I work to keep it together, it just doesn't work!
And to make things worse. I got into a fight with my dad. I called my parents, just to say Hi! And it turned into WWIII. Why can't people see things from my perspective? I'm trying my hardest. The only way I know how. And it is still not enough? It's not enough for my dad. But then again, my dad expects me to do everything, without so much as a second thought. Why can't my dad see that I have too much on my plate? Or that his daughter needs 5 minutes of peace and quiet. Why can't he see that I am just a human being? Just like the rest of his kids. Someone who needs sleep, food, and an occasional day off. But he doesn't. He doesn't understand my insistence of doing things for myself. Of being an independent woman. The woman that he taught me to be.
When I was a kid, he told me to be independent. Not to rely on anyone. Never to depend on a man for money, status, love, happiness, etc. To go out there and do it for myself. My dad told me that there would be rough days ahead. But with a plan, some sacrifice, and a whole lot of willpower, I could get anything done. So that is exactly what I am doing right now. Why can't he see it?
Do I feel horrible? Yes! On a day, that should have been filled with thoughts of a brand new baby girl and the most glorious music in the world, I am sitting here miserable. To the depths of my soul, wondering what kind of person I am. Crying and trying to understand the struggles and lessons that God has laid out before me.
As an adult, even I am somewhat lost. I can just imagine what a 4 year old and 2-2 year olds are feeling. But I need to look past it. Past Mems insisting that he would pay for a ticket. Because his daughter, my other Goddaughter, really wanted me to be there tonight. I see this as a test. A test of strength and willpower. One day, one day in my future, I will be able to afford the necessities in life. Regular and descent meals. And maybe even a concert or 2.
Until then, there is a pile of laundry that needs to be washed. A toilet that needs to be cleaned. And a pile of files that needs my attention. What a glamorous life I live! I once took a stage, played for thousands of people a night. Made them smile, laugh, and helped them to have a good time. Tonight, I will be scrubbing the bathroom. And lugging my dirty laundry to my friend's house. Because not even my washing machine has the will to go on. Here's to a good night of housework!
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Too Much
I am beginning to think that I have bitten off too much. You know, were life is concerned. I have absolutely no money. $21.57 sits in the bank. And I have $1.49 in my purse. That is it.
The last book order went in yesterday. And if I want to buy books in time for the beginning of the semester, the entire $3500 payment is due on Friday. Yes, this Friday. There is really nothing left for me to do. I am refusing to borrow money from anyone. And I just made a $550 payment for my internship last week. So, I am going to try to do this semester with no books. Oh, and no computer. Because I don't have the money for a computer...or for internet service.
This week has been one for the books. I have argued with my dad. I thought we were on the same page. I guess not! And then J and I got into a big fight yesterday. Why do these guys think that I am powerless? Or a damsel in distress? I am not! Whatever sacrifices I have to make, I will make. I don't need to hang all over someone for help. If I fail miserably at life, it is going to be my fault. It will not be the fault of my dad, J, or the dean.
Then this morning, I am on my way home from work. It has been an unbelievable day at work. And sitting outside my house is J and Sancho. Screw it, I just kept driving and parked my car at the park. I made the mile walk to the library at school. And now I sit here. I am so frustrated with people! Can't they just let me make these decisions for myself?
Wasn't it bad enough when I had to borrow money from J last week? Wasn't that bad enough? Sometimes I wonder. At some point, I have to come to terms that I just can't afford this. And as much as my dad wants to help me...he can't. I wish he would understand that. I seem to be the only one using my brain right now. The only one thinking clearly. You know, he has a business to worry about. And I am a 26 year old woman. If I can't get it together...then I don't deserve to go to school. I really don't.
Right now, I am an emotional basket case. I have never cried so much in my life. Not sleeping and not eating are not helping either. And I just have to somehow get through all of this. At least get through the next 2 weeks. My new plan...go to work, come home, lock myself away in my house, go to work, repeat. I am going to avoid my friends as much as humanly possible. Considering we have that wedding this weekend, it is going to be tough. And I work for J. But I am no longer going to answer the phone...or the door. I just need to get through these 2 weeks.
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
The last book order went in yesterday. And if I want to buy books in time for the beginning of the semester, the entire $3500 payment is due on Friday. Yes, this Friday. There is really nothing left for me to do. I am refusing to borrow money from anyone. And I just made a $550 payment for my internship last week. So, I am going to try to do this semester with no books. Oh, and no computer. Because I don't have the money for a computer...or for internet service.
This week has been one for the books. I have argued with my dad. I thought we were on the same page. I guess not! And then J and I got into a big fight yesterday. Why do these guys think that I am powerless? Or a damsel in distress? I am not! Whatever sacrifices I have to make, I will make. I don't need to hang all over someone for help. If I fail miserably at life, it is going to be my fault. It will not be the fault of my dad, J, or the dean.
Then this morning, I am on my way home from work. It has been an unbelievable day at work. And sitting outside my house is J and Sancho. Screw it, I just kept driving and parked my car at the park. I made the mile walk to the library at school. And now I sit here. I am so frustrated with people! Can't they just let me make these decisions for myself?
Wasn't it bad enough when I had to borrow money from J last week? Wasn't that bad enough? Sometimes I wonder. At some point, I have to come to terms that I just can't afford this. And as much as my dad wants to help me...he can't. I wish he would understand that. I seem to be the only one using my brain right now. The only one thinking clearly. You know, he has a business to worry about. And I am a 26 year old woman. If I can't get it together...then I don't deserve to go to school. I really don't.
Right now, I am an emotional basket case. I have never cried so much in my life. Not sleeping and not eating are not helping either. And I just have to somehow get through all of this. At least get through the next 2 weeks. My new plan...go to work, come home, lock myself away in my house, go to work, repeat. I am going to avoid my friends as much as humanly possible. Considering we have that wedding this weekend, it is going to be tough. And I work for J. But I am no longer going to answer the phone...or the door. I just need to get through these 2 weeks.
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Money Spread Thin
Yes folks, I am in full out worry mode. Currently, I have a very, very limited number of funds. And I have a lot of expenses. It doesn't help that I work between 100-120 hours a week...for free! You have to love an internship!
I can only pay one thing right now. So I have spent the last 4 hours worrying and wondering. Books, scrubs, deodorant, toilet paper, a wedding gift, food, or my water bill??? What to pay, what to pay??? This is insanity! I need to order books, but I absolutely do not have $3500 floating around. This is going to be a semester without books. Let's see how that goes. Scrubs, I don't even want to talk about it. I have a $300 bill. They are going to have to keep my scrubs until after school starts. Because right now, I can't afford them! Thank goodness that the order is on back order.
And a wedding gift, I can't even think about it. My poor friends are just going to have to wait. And although necessities like deodorant, toilet paper, and food are almost essential to life...they will have to wait. That last roll of TP is going to have to last at least 10 days. So will the deodorant. And this is not the first time I have gone without eating...and I am sure it will not be the last. But that water bill...it will get paid. Because it needs to.
I am going back to stressing out over the cost of school. If the government wants us to go to school, can't they make it more affordable? I go to a state university, and I can barely afford it. If we are short doctors like everyone keeps saying, well Hello folks! Give us some help. Not everyone is going to be like me. Not everyone is going to sacrifice eating to pay for school. I know why we are short doctors, people can't afford to do it. And I am beginning to wonder if I can.
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
I can only pay one thing right now. So I have spent the last 4 hours worrying and wondering. Books, scrubs, deodorant, toilet paper, a wedding gift, food, or my water bill??? What to pay, what to pay??? This is insanity! I need to order books, but I absolutely do not have $3500 floating around. This is going to be a semester without books. Let's see how that goes. Scrubs, I don't even want to talk about it. I have a $300 bill. They are going to have to keep my scrubs until after school starts. Because right now, I can't afford them! Thank goodness that the order is on back order.
And a wedding gift, I can't even think about it. My poor friends are just going to have to wait. And although necessities like deodorant, toilet paper, and food are almost essential to life...they will have to wait. That last roll of TP is going to have to last at least 10 days. So will the deodorant. And this is not the first time I have gone without eating...and I am sure it will not be the last. But that water bill...it will get paid. Because it needs to.
I am going back to stressing out over the cost of school. If the government wants us to go to school, can't they make it more affordable? I go to a state university, and I can barely afford it. If we are short doctors like everyone keeps saying, well Hello folks! Give us some help. Not everyone is going to be like me. Not everyone is going to sacrifice eating to pay for school. I know why we are short doctors, people can't afford to do it. And I am beginning to wonder if I can.
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
Sunday, July 26, 2009
You're Looking at a Winner!
To start off with, I don't usually get real deep into sports here. I usually save that for my sports blog. But this week Sara and I placed a bet on the NASCAR race...the Allstate 400. All in good fun people...all in good fun. It puts our favorite drivers up against each other.
How fair is it...I don't know. Being that her #1 driver is also my #2 driver. It's really close people...real close. But because I have been a Gordon fan longer...he gets the #1 spot. And they are both from the HMS camp. But whoever's driver came out on top, had to buy the other lunch, a manicure, and $20 gift card to store of winner's choice. The bet was on...
How fair is it...I don't know. Being that her #1 driver is also my #2 driver. It's really close people...real close. But because I have been a Gordon fan longer...he gets the #1 spot. And they are both from the HMS camp. But whoever's driver came out on top, had to buy the other lunch, a manicure, and $20 gift card to store of winner's choice. The bet was on...
In my corner...My guy Jeff Gordon. Driver of the #24 DuPont Chevrolet.
Starting P22.
(Photo by Geoff Burke/Getty Images for NASCAR)
In Sara's corner...Dale Earnhardt Jr. Driver of the #88 AMP Energy/National Guard Chevrolet. Overcoming a stomach bug this weekend. Staring P3.
(AP Picture 2009-07-25)
Well, I haven't been feeling well for the last 20 hours or so. I fought the sickness and the sleep to watch the Opening Ceremonies. And the beginning of the race. Was the race boring? Yes, it was. Juan Pablo Montoya was just running away with the thing. But Gordon was making some steady, positive movement forward. And Dale Jr. was sitting comfortably in the top 10. No one would have guessed that he had been so sick earlier this weekend.
At lap 127, Dale Jr.'s #88 had some serious issues. A failed engine. It resulted in a DNF for #88 team. I was disappointed. They had been running so well. It looked like the team was turning a better corner. But it was a mechanical issue I suppose.
With Gordon making steady, forward movement and Dale Jr. out of the race...I succumbed to slumber. Yes, folks I took me a nap. When I woke up, there were 2 laps to go! JPM was no longer leading. Turns out, he got a penalty for speeding on pit road. And Jimmie Johnson took the win! It was a pretty good day for the HMS camp. Johnson P1, Martin P2, Gordon P9...and Earnhardt Jr. P36. Another win for Mr. H!
So, I won the bet. A friendly, girly bet. I have no clue where we will go to lunch. Maybe Zio's. And I am thinking a Sephora gift card. What a day! Regardless of who won the bet, it was nice. Sara is a HUGE Dale Jr. fan...and I suppose that she is happy that I am finally cheering on her guy. I have actually been a fan of his since 2007. But we won't get all technical here.
Folks, it was a good run no less for the HMS camp. Johnson took the win and defended his 2008 Indy 500 win. Mark Martin is just having a dream season. Jeff Gordon is having a season that is like night and day to his 2008 season. It looks as though the #88 team is working out the bugs. Dale Jr. looks a lot more comfortable in his ride. And was that swagger that I saw? Yes, folks I think the man has got his swagger back!
I'm leaving you with 3 of my favorite pictures from this weekend. The first one is of Miss Ella Sophia and Ingrid. Ella has got to be the cutest kid on pit road. And so stylish. Her mama is also very chic. The next picture is of Sprint Cup drivers who were in the Allstate 400. In a lot of ways, it reminds me of my Senior Class Picture. I'm just saying... And the last is of Mr. and Mrs. Johnson celebrating their Brickyard win!
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
(Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
(Photo by John Harrelson/Getty Images for NASCAR)
(Photo by John Harrelson/Getty Images for NASCAR)
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Waiting on the World
It's more like waiting on J. I need $500 for a down payment for my internship. It's due tomorrow. And I only have $167.43. There's a problem. To say that I have been stressed out...that is the understatement of the century! I was definitely not going to call my Dad with that news. And well, the music stuff has been a little slow this summer. Almost nonexistent really.
So J being the most awesome friend (and boss) is loaning me $350. It's more like I am getting an advance on my paycheck. Which payday isn't for another 8 days...and I would still be about $100 short. I love my friend J. And not just because he lends me money when I am in a pinch. But also because he is a good hearted friend. A really good guy at the heart of things. There is something to be said for a real Texas gentleman...and cowboy!
But right now, J is on a call. We were supposed to meet last night. Two things happened. J had been working on this cockfight bust...and then he was called out to do some work for some horses that were being abused. By the time he was done for the night...I was called into work. This morning when I got off...he was already at work. The scheduling has been pretty hit and miss lately. Mostly miss.
I'm also waiting on myself to make decisions based on school. At this point, Dr. S is paying my insurance for the hospital internship. Bless that man's soul! That is $5000 I don't have to worry about. It could be slightly higher because our insurance was supposed to go up...AGAIN! My first tuition payment is due August 14th...$500. The rest, I have opted for the payment plan this semester. And I am praying for some more gigs between now and December. If not, I might have to start selling my furniture or something to pay for school.
And books. My dear books. Because of the courses I am taking, they have to be ordered early. And well, money has been extra tight this summer. $3500 was due last Friday. I promptly told my Dean that I just couldn't afford it right now. I think he silently prayed for a miracle. He gave me until this Friday to come up with the money. But I can barely come up with $500 for my internship. So I will miss the book order. In return, I will have to pay $500 in shipping and late charges. Isn't that insane? And I probably won't get to order my books until sometime at the end of August or the beginning of September...way after school starts.
People never tell you about all these crazy expenses when they are trying to talk you into school. But it is insane! I still have to get a computer, a digital camera, DSL, cable, school supplies, scrubs, and surgical shoes. Who knows when that will happen though. I can't work a "normal job" because of my internship. But I need all of these things because of my internship. I am officially flat broke. And I have no food. Yes, folks I have no food. I ate 2 cheese slices for breakfast because that is pretty much all I've got.
I often wonder why nursing students get so much help for school...yet medical students get next to nothing. I mean, I am grateful for the $200 I get for being on the Dean's List. But that doesn't even cover one book. And we are seriously short of doctors...especially around here. I think I know why. People just can't afford it! But I am staying optimistic about it all. Waiting on J, waiting on work, and hoping for a PAYING job.
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
So J being the most awesome friend (and boss) is loaning me $350. It's more like I am getting an advance on my paycheck. Which payday isn't for another 8 days...and I would still be about $100 short. I love my friend J. And not just because he lends me money when I am in a pinch. But also because he is a good hearted friend. A really good guy at the heart of things. There is something to be said for a real Texas gentleman...and cowboy!
But right now, J is on a call. We were supposed to meet last night. Two things happened. J had been working on this cockfight bust...and then he was called out to do some work for some horses that were being abused. By the time he was done for the night...I was called into work. This morning when I got off...he was already at work. The scheduling has been pretty hit and miss lately. Mostly miss.
I'm also waiting on myself to make decisions based on school. At this point, Dr. S is paying my insurance for the hospital internship. Bless that man's soul! That is $5000 I don't have to worry about. It could be slightly higher because our insurance was supposed to go up...AGAIN! My first tuition payment is due August 14th...$500. The rest, I have opted for the payment plan this semester. And I am praying for some more gigs between now and December. If not, I might have to start selling my furniture or something to pay for school.
And books. My dear books. Because of the courses I am taking, they have to be ordered early. And well, money has been extra tight this summer. $3500 was due last Friday. I promptly told my Dean that I just couldn't afford it right now. I think he silently prayed for a miracle. He gave me until this Friday to come up with the money. But I can barely come up with $500 for my internship. So I will miss the book order. In return, I will have to pay $500 in shipping and late charges. Isn't that insane? And I probably won't get to order my books until sometime at the end of August or the beginning of September...way after school starts.
People never tell you about all these crazy expenses when they are trying to talk you into school. But it is insane! I still have to get a computer, a digital camera, DSL, cable, school supplies, scrubs, and surgical shoes. Who knows when that will happen though. I can't work a "normal job" because of my internship. But I need all of these things because of my internship. I am officially flat broke. And I have no food. Yes, folks I have no food. I ate 2 cheese slices for breakfast because that is pretty much all I've got.
I often wonder why nursing students get so much help for school...yet medical students get next to nothing. I mean, I am grateful for the $200 I get for being on the Dean's List. But that doesn't even cover one book. And we are seriously short of doctors...especially around here. I think I know why. People just can't afford it! But I am staying optimistic about it all. Waiting on J, waiting on work, and hoping for a PAYING job.
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
Monday, July 13, 2009
Love is Patient
For a few weeks...possibly 2 months now...my friend H and her new husband T have been having some problems. They met in early July 2008. Because I had a gig in NC. T is my boss, "Daddy-O's" best buddy. H came with her friends to see the BBs (the band) and I perform. We were about 2 hours from where H lives. To say H was on a mission to have a good time that night, that is the understatement of a lifetime. The same can be said for T. After quite a few drinks and dancing, they seemed to hit it off. 2 weeks after I returned home, Daddy-O, T's friend called looking for H's phone number. I gave it to him, silently hoping for the best.They started dating sometime in mid August and shortly, they moved in together. Mostly because T has an unusual job and they already lived a good 2 hours away from one another. But they were in heaven. Both loving this new relationship. I knew things were getting serious when T called to ask me about a Christmas present in October. The day before, Daddy-O, now a good friend of mine, told me that T had bought an engagement ring for H. He had it at his house for safe keeping. We took a bet on when T would pop the question. I insisted on her birthday, he insisted on Christmas. In the end, I was right. And almost a month to the day, after the engagement, we were in Sin City. The 2 of them were getting married.
Did I think it was quick? Yeah, but it also takes me 7 years to pick out living room curtains. So I won't add anything to that. They had known each other for nearly 8 months, had been dating/living together for 7 months, and been engaged for 1 month. But we all hoped and prayed for the best. It was kind of cool that between a boss and an employee, we could set up our best friends.
It was a quick Sin City wedding. Neither H nor T's families attended. H's family was pretty jealous of the situation. T's really didn't talk to him because of jealousy issues as well. It is safe to say...both had had it hard growing up. And they were both given big breaks and opportunities with this relationship. About a month later, they went on a short trip to the Bahamas. H was so happy when they returned. And I thought to myself, she really is lucky to have found this man.
To say that T's job has kinda been in limbo since May is putting it lightly. He has a really good job. But with the economy and some other issues, every week he is evaluated. H knew that. They also knew that they couldn't start try to expand their family until at least January 2010. Somehow, life veered left as H and T veered right.
At the beginning of June, H realized she was pregnant. About 2 months. She waited to tell T. Telling him that she was going to stay home for the week. Remember, I told you he travels a lot for work. They had just returned from another tropical vacation, so he didn't see anything wrong with it. Figuring that she needed some rest. H went to the doctor and everything seemed fine. T came home and she told him.
He, like any normal man not expecting this news, was in shock. Literally in shock. She took offense. And it lead to WWIII. He left, dog in tote, to Daddy-O's house. The entire week, he avoided their home. He left for work. H called me. And we talked about a fight. I didn't know what it was about. But I tried to calm her down. Daddy-O also called. We tried to figure out what had happened, but we had no clue. After a week, T went home. To only leave the same day. Now, we were really stunned.
What the heck was going on? For weeks, he camped out at Daddy-O's house. He would call home, to talk to the housekeeper, to make sure H was OK. But that was it. He and his dog didn't go home. Daddy-O had paid for their honeymoon. They were going to Hawaii on July 13th. They would be gone for 10 days or so. But on July 10th, T told Daddy-O that they weren't going. Instead, he was going to Florida with his dog. Yeah, that was it. A mutual friend tagged along to take care of T. H stopped talking to me. And we still had no clue what was happening.
This is the same H who told me that I needed to get married ASAP so our kids would grow up as best friends. Now, I don't even know if her marriage is going to last the summer. 2 days into T's drinking binge/vacation, Daddy-O went to intervene. All I really know, because of J, is that T was threatened to talk. Which wasn't too hard, since he had been drowning his sorrows at the bar for over 48 hours.
It finally came out. H had been pregnant. The weekend after their WWIII fight, she had a miscarriage. T blamed himself because of the fight. H blamed herself, because she hadn't known she was pregnant. And she hadn't really taken care of herself during those 2 months. In fact, she had drank for Cinco de Mayo, a work thing for T, and while they were on vacation.
T and I had been talking on and off during this time. H had been talking with Daddy-O. But we all finally knew. I tried to explain to both of them...it wasn't their fault. Really, could things have been handled better? Sure. But things happen. The best for them, is to learn from this situation. And to lean on each other for support, inside of running in opposite directions.
Today, I was able to talk to both of them. Individually of course. Things don't seem much better. But I pray that they will get better. H is definitely my long lost sister at heart, and T has become like a brother to me. Their relationship has been anything but "traditional and average" but at the heart of things, they love each other. I just pray that they can see past this difficult stage in their marriage, and see the love that they have for one another. I am reminded of the following passage...
Love is patient;
Love is kind;
Love is not envious
Or boastful
Or arrogant
Or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
It is not irritable or resentful;
It does not rejoice in wrongdoing,
But rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things,
Believes all things,
Hopes all things,
Endures all things.
- Corinthians 13:4-7
I pray for my friends. That they find the peace and love that was once the center of their relationship. There will be ups and downs in their marriage, but their love will endure all things. I love you both. I pray for you every single day. And I have the faith that you will make it past these dark days.
Ciao!
XOXO
♥Lola
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