Bad Blogger!!!

Yes I am!!! You can hit me if you want to. Or punish me, by not reading my blog. But I do have some legitimate excuses. I knew that last week and this week were going to be rough. So I sat down and typed up a bunch of blog posts. Then I put them on auto-post. Well, it didn't work. In fact, I don't know where the 14 blogs went. I will post them to their correct dates sometime this weekend. Good thing I have them saved as word documents. Or who knows what I would do!

These past 2 weeks...have been filled with final exams, clinicals, presentations, teaching, traveling, being sick, and working. My plate has been a little full! But I'm trying to keep it together. I got sick last Wednesday, and I'm still not feeling good. I'm mean, I'm doing tons better than Thursday. But still only at 70%. Last Thursday, I spent the entire day in bed. Pretty much from Wednesday night until Friday around noon, I was sick in bed. I slept almost 24 hours straight! It was almost too much for me to deal with.

But life is returning to "normal." Or as "normal" as you can get in the middle of the holiday season! I'm still feeling like Scrooge or the Grinch. You can pick whichever one you would like. I haven't decorated. Or baked. Or wrapped presents. I have done most of my shopping. But that is the end of my holiday preparation. I just don't know what's wrong with me this year. I need to get it together. Christmas is in days!!!

In 30 minutes or so, I will be heading to my parents' house. 3-4 hours from here. Today is their company party. And I agreed to help them get ready for it. I need to do some baking. And all of that fun stuff!!! Then Saturday, I head home. I have to work until December 23rd. Not too bad! I should be happy to have Christmas Eve through December 27th off.

I'm also counting the days until I get to see my oldest brother. In fact, I've switched a few days at work. So that I can go see him on January 4th. He will be moving back to our hometown. My parents and I are really excited! My parents are actually going to go visit him this weekend. They are going to start moving his things home.

And in case you were wondering. I did do my drawing for my giveaway. I left the giveaway open until December 10th. That morning I went to Random.org and put in 86 numbers. I can't believe I got 86 comments! The lucky number was #9. Kind of ironic. But very fun! I contacted Anna Marie and sent out her scarf on Saturday. I hope she has received it by now! I should probably check in with her. Have a wonderful weekend!

Ciao!

XOXO
♥Lola

Missing Posts

I don't know what is going on with my blog. As you know, I post every single day. I don't know where my posts are! I post. They show up for a few hours. Maybe a day. Then they disappear. I have been trying all kinds of things. I hope this actually posts!!!

When I go to edit the posts, it shows them as being posted. I can see them posted. But when I try to look at my blog from another computer, it doesn't work. :( I am working on it. Let's see what happens. I have all of my posts saved as word documents. I hope I don't have to repost everything! That is a lot of blog posts. I started this in July!

Let me know if you can see my entire blog. All of my posts. Oh, and if you want to follow me on twitter, just send me a request. I have gotten a lot of questions about that. I hope you have a great week!!!

Ciao!

XOXO
♥Lola

Too Much

I am beginning to think that I have bitten off too much. You know, were life is concerned. I have absolutely no money. $21.57 sits in the bank. And I have $1.49 in my purse. That is it.

The last book order went in yesterday. And if I want to buy books in time for the beginning of the semester, the entire $3500 payment is due on Friday. Yes, this Friday. There is really nothing left for me to do. I am refusing to borrow money from anyone. And I just made a $550 payment for my internship last week. So, I am going to try to do this semester with no books. Oh, and no computer. Because I don't have the money for a computer...or for internet service.

This week has been one for the books. I have argued with my dad. I thought we were on the same page. I guess not! And then J and I got into a big fight yesterday. Why do these guys think that I am powerless? Or a damsel in distress? I am not! Whatever sacrifices I have to make, I will make. I don't need to hang all over someone for help. If I fail miserably at life, it is going to be my fault. It will not be the fault of my dad, J, or the dean.

Then this morning, I am on my way home from work. It has been an unbelievable day at work. And sitting outside my house is J and Sancho. Screw it, I just kept driving and parked my car at the park. I made the mile walk to the library at school. And now I sit here. I am so frustrated with people! Can't they just let me make these decisions for myself?

Wasn't it bad enough when I had to borrow money from J last week? Wasn't that bad enough? Sometimes I wonder. At some point, I have to come to terms that I just can't afford this. And as much as my dad wants to help me...he can't. I wish he would understand that. I seem to be the only one using my brain right now. The only one thinking clearly. You know, he has a business to worry about. And I am a 26 year old woman. If I can't get it together...then I don't deserve to go to school. I really don't.

Right now, I am an emotional basket case. I have never cried so much in my life. Not sleeping and not eating are not helping either. And I just have to somehow get through all of this. At least get through the next 2 weeks. My new plan...go to work, come home, lock myself away in my house, go to work, repeat. I am going to avoid my friends as much as humanly possible. Considering we have that wedding this weekend, it is going to be tough. And I work for J. But I am no longer going to answer the phone...or the door. I just need to get through these 2 weeks.

Ciao!

XOXO
♥Lola

Money Spread Thin

Yes folks, I am in full out worry mode. Currently, I have a very, very limited number of funds. And I have a lot of expenses. It doesn't help that I work between 100-120 hours a week...for free! You have to love an internship!

I can only pay one thing right now. So I have spent the last 4 hours worrying and wondering. Books, scrubs, deodorant, toilet paper, a wedding gift, food, or my water bill??? What to pay, what to pay??? This is insanity! I need to order books, but I absolutely do not have $3500 floating around. This is going to be a semester without books. Let's see how that goes. Scrubs, I don't even want to talk about it. I have a $300 bill. They are going to have to keep my scrubs until after school starts. Because right now, I can't afford them! Thank goodness that the order is on back order.

And a wedding gift, I can't even think about it. My poor friends are just going to have to wait. And although necessities like deodorant, toilet paper, and food are almost essential to life...they will have to wait. That last roll of TP is going to have to last at least 10 days. So will the deodorant. And this is not the first time I have gone without eating...and I am sure it will not be the last. But that water bill...it will get paid. Because it needs to.

I am going back to stressing out over the cost of school. If the government wants us to go to school, can't they make it more affordable? I go to a state university, and I can barely afford it. If we are short doctors like everyone keeps saying, well Hello folks! Give us some help. Not everyone is going to be like me. Not everyone is going to sacrifice eating to pay for school. I know why we are short doctors, people can't afford to do it. And I am beginning to wonder if I can.

Ciao!

XOXO
♥Lola

Waiting on the World

It's more like waiting on J. I need $500 for a down payment for my internship. It's due tomorrow. And I only have $167.43. There's a problem. To say that I have been stressed out...that is the understatement of the century! I was definitely not going to call my Dad with that news. And well, the music stuff has been a little slow this summer. Almost nonexistent really.

So J being the most awesome friend (and boss) is loaning me $350. It's more like I am getting an advance on my paycheck. Which payday isn't for another 8 days...and I would still be about $100 short. I love my friend J. And not just because he lends me money when I am in a pinch. But also because he is a good hearted friend. A really good guy at the heart of things. There is something to be said for a real Texas gentleman...and cowboy!

But right now, J is on a call. We were supposed to meet last night. Two things happened. J had been working on this cockfight bust...and then he was called out to do some work for some horses that were being abused. By the time he was done for the night...I was called into work. This morning when I got off...he was already at work. The scheduling has been pretty hit and miss lately. Mostly miss.

I'm also waiting on myself to make decisions based on school. At this point, Dr. S is paying my insurance for the hospital internship. Bless that man's soul! That is $5000 I don't have to worry about. It could be slightly higher because our insurance was supposed to go up...AGAIN! My first tuition payment is due August 14th...$500. The rest, I have opted for the payment plan this semester. And I am praying for some more gigs between now and December. If not, I might have to start selling my furniture or something to pay for school.

And books. My dear books. Because of the courses I am taking, they have to be ordered early. And well, money has been extra tight this summer. $3500 was due last Friday. I promptly told my Dean that I just couldn't afford it right now. I think he silently prayed for a miracle. He gave me until this Friday to come up with the money. But I can barely come up with $500 for my internship. So I will miss the book order. In return, I will have to pay $500 in shipping and late charges. Isn't that insane? And I probably won't get to order my books until sometime at the end of August or the beginning of September...way after school starts.

People never tell you about all these crazy expenses when they are trying to talk you into school. But it is insane! I still have to get a computer, a digital camera, DSL, cable, school supplies, scrubs, and surgical shoes. Who knows when that will happen though. I can't work a "normal job" because of my internship. But I need all of these things because of my internship. I am officially flat broke. And I have no food. Yes, folks I have no food. I ate 2 cheese slices for breakfast because that is pretty much all I've got.

I often wonder why nursing students get so much help for school...yet medical students get next to nothing. I mean, I am grateful for the $200 I get for being on the Dean's List. But that doesn't even cover one book. And we are seriously short of doctors...especially around here. I think I know why. People just can't afford it! But I am staying optimistic about it all. Waiting on J, waiting on work, and hoping for a PAYING job.

Ciao!

XOXO
♥Lola

Making it Right

26 minutes and 18 seconds...that's how long it took my Dad and me to figure this out. Well, at least somewhat.

Ciao!

XOXO
♥Lola

Love is Patient

For a few weeks...possibly 2 months now...my friend H and her new husband T have been having some problems. They met in early July 2008. Because I had a gig in NC. T is my boss, "Daddy-O's" best buddy. H came with her friends to see the BBs (the band) and I perform. We were about 2 hours from where H lives. To say H was on a mission to have a good time that night, that is the understatement of a lifetime. The same can be said for T. After quite a few drinks and dancing, they seemed to hit it off. 2 weeks after I returned home, Daddy-O, T's friend called looking for H's phone number. I gave it to him, silently hoping for the best.

They started dating sometime in mid August and shortly, they moved in together. Mostly because T has an unusual job and they already lived a good 2 hours away from one another. But they were in heaven. Both loving this new relationship. I knew things were getting serious when T called to ask me about a Christmas present in October. The day before, Daddy-O, now a good friend of mine, told me that T had bought an engagement ring for H. He had it at his house for safe keeping. We took a bet on when T would pop the question. I insisted on her birthday, he insisted on Christmas. In the end, I was right. And almost a month to the day, after the engagement, we were in Sin City. The 2 of them were getting married.

Did I think it was quick? Yeah, but it also takes me 7 years to pick out living room curtains. So I won't add anything to that. They had known each other for nearly 8 months, had been dating/living together for 7 months, and been engaged for 1 month. But we all hoped and prayed for the best. It was kind of cool that between a boss and an employee, we could set up our best friends.

It was a quick Sin City wedding. Neither H nor T's families attended. H's family was pretty jealous of the situation. T's really didn't talk to him because of jealousy issues as well. It is safe to say...both had had it hard growing up. And they were both given big breaks and opportunities with this relationship. About a month later, they went on a short trip to the Bahamas. H was so happy when they returned. And I thought to myself, she really is lucky to have found this man.

To say that T's job has kinda been in limbo since May is putting it lightly. He has a really good job. But with the economy and some other issues, every week he is evaluated. H knew that. They also knew that they couldn't start try to expand their family until at least January 2010. Somehow, life veered left as H and T veered right.

At the beginning of June, H realized she was pregnant. About 2 months. She waited to tell T. Telling him that she was going to stay home for the week. Remember, I told you he travels a lot for work. They had just returned from another tropical vacation, so he didn't see anything wrong with it. Figuring that she needed some rest. H went to the doctor and everything seemed fine. T came home and she told him.

He, like any normal man not expecting this news, was in shock. Literally in shock. She took offense. And it lead to WWIII. He left, dog in tote, to Daddy-O's house. The entire week, he avoided their home. He left for work. H called me. And we talked about a fight. I didn't know what it was about. But I tried to calm her down. Daddy-O also called. We tried to figure out what had happened, but we had no clue. After a week, T went home. To only leave the same day. Now, we were really stunned.

What the heck was going on? For weeks, he camped out at Daddy-O's house. He would call home, to talk to the housekeeper, to make sure H was OK. But that was it. He and his dog didn't go home. Daddy-O had paid for their honeymoon. They were going to Hawaii on July 13th. They would be gone for 10 days or so. But on July 10th, T told Daddy-O that they weren't going. Instead, he was going to Florida with his dog. Yeah, that was it. A mutual friend tagged along to take care of T. H stopped talking to me. And we still had no clue what was happening.

This is the same H who told me that I needed to get married ASAP so our kids would grow up as best friends. Now, I don't even know if her marriage is going to last the summer. 2 days into T's drinking binge/vacation, Daddy-O went to intervene. All I really know, because of J, is that T was threatened to talk. Which wasn't too hard, since he had been drowning his sorrows at the bar for over 48 hours.

It finally came out. H had been pregnant. The weekend after their WWIII fight, she had a miscarriage. T blamed himself because of the fight. H blamed herself, because she hadn't known she was pregnant. And she hadn't really taken care of herself during those 2 months. In fact, she had drank for Cinco de Mayo, a work thing for T, and while they were on vacation.

T and I had been talking on and off during this time. H had been talking with Daddy-O. But we all finally knew. I tried to explain to both of them...it wasn't their fault. Really, could things have been handled better? Sure. But things happen. The best for them, is to learn from this situation. And to lean on each other for support, inside of running in opposite directions.

Today, I was able to talk to both of them. Individually of course. Things don't seem much better. But I pray that they will get better. H is definitely my long lost sister at heart, and T has become like a brother to me. Their relationship has been anything but "traditional and average" but at the heart of things, they love each other. I just pray that they can see past this difficult stage in their marriage, and see the love that they have for one another. I am reminded of the following passage...

Love is patient;

Love is kind;

Love is not envious

Or boastful

Or arrogant

Or rude.

It does not insist on its own way;

It is not irritable or resentful;

It does not rejoice in wrongdoing,

But rejoices in the truth.

It bears all things,

Believes all things,

Hopes all things,

Endures all things.

- Corinthians 13:4-7

I pray for my friends. That they find the peace and love that was once the center of their relationship. There will be ups and downs in their marriage, but their love will endure all things. I love you both. I pray for you every single day. And I have the faith that you will make it past these dark days.

Ciao!

XOXO
♥Lola