Monday, July 13, 2009

Love is Patient

For a few weeks...possibly 2 months friend H and her new husband T have been having some problems. They met in early July 2008. Because I had a gig in NC. T is my boss, "Daddy-O's" best buddy. H came with her friends to see the BBs (the band) and I perform. We were about 2 hours from where H lives. To say H was on a mission to have a good time that night, that is the understatement of a lifetime. The same can be said for T. After quite a few drinks and dancing, they seemed to hit it off. 2 weeks after I returned home, Daddy-O, T's friend called looking for H's phone number. I gave it to him, silently hoping for the best.

They started dating sometime in mid August and shortly, they moved in together. Mostly because T has an unusual job and they already lived a good 2 hours away from one another. But they were in heaven. Both loving this new relationship. I knew things were getting serious when T called to ask me about a Christmas present in October. The day before, Daddy-O, now a good friend of mine, told me that T had bought an engagement ring for H. He had it at his house for safe keeping. We took a bet on when T would pop the question. I insisted on her birthday, he insisted on Christmas. In the end, I was right. And almost a month to the day, after the engagement, we were in Sin City. The 2 of them were getting married.

Did I think it was quick? Yeah, but it also takes me 7 years to pick out living room curtains. So I won't add anything to that. They had known each other for nearly 8 months, had been dating/living together for 7 months, and been engaged for 1 month. But we all hoped and prayed for the best. It was kind of cool that between a boss and an employee, we could set up our best friends.

It was a quick Sin City wedding. Neither H nor T's families attended. H's family was pretty jealous of the situation. T's really didn't talk to him because of jealousy issues as well. It is safe to say...both had had it hard growing up. And they were both given big breaks and opportunities with this relationship. About a month later, they went on a short trip to the Bahamas. H was so happy when they returned. And I thought to myself, she really is lucky to have found this man.

To say that T's job has kinda been in limbo since May is putting it lightly. He has a really good job. But with the economy and some other issues, every week he is evaluated. H knew that. They also knew that they couldn't start try to expand their family until at least January 2010. Somehow, life veered left as H and T veered right.

At the beginning of June, H realized she was pregnant. About 2 months. She waited to tell T. Telling him that she was going to stay home for the week. Remember, I told you he travels a lot for work. They had just returned from another tropical vacation, so he didn't see anything wrong with it. Figuring that she needed some rest. H went to the doctor and everything seemed fine. T came home and she told him.

He, like any normal man not expecting this news, was in shock. Literally in shock. She took offense. And it lead to WWIII. He left, dog in tote, to Daddy-O's house. The entire week, he avoided their home. He left for work. H called me. And we talked about a fight. I didn't know what it was about. But I tried to calm her down. Daddy-O also called. We tried to figure out what had happened, but we had no clue. After a week, T went home. To only leave the same day. Now, we were really stunned.

What the heck was going on? For weeks, he camped out at Daddy-O's house. He would call home, to talk to the housekeeper, to make sure H was OK. But that was it. He and his dog didn't go home. Daddy-O had paid for their honeymoon. They were going to Hawaii on July 13th. They would be gone for 10 days or so. But on July 10th, T told Daddy-O that they weren't going. Instead, he was going to Florida with his dog. Yeah, that was it. A mutual friend tagged along to take care of T. H stopped talking to me. And we still had no clue what was happening.

This is the same H who told me that I needed to get married ASAP so our kids would grow up as best friends. Now, I don't even know if her marriage is going to last the summer. 2 days into T's drinking binge/vacation, Daddy-O went to intervene. All I really know, because of J, is that T was threatened to talk. Which wasn't too hard, since he had been drowning his sorrows at the bar for over 48 hours.

It finally came out. H had been pregnant. The weekend after their WWIII fight, she had a miscarriage. T blamed himself because of the fight. H blamed herself, because she hadn't known she was pregnant. And she hadn't really taken care of herself during those 2 months. In fact, she had drank for Cinco de Mayo, a work thing for T, and while they were on vacation.

T and I had been talking on and off during this time. H had been talking with Daddy-O. But we all finally knew. I tried to explain to both of wasn't their fault. Really, could things have been handled better? Sure. But things happen. The best for them, is to learn from this situation. And to lean on each other for support, inside of running in opposite directions.

Today, I was able to talk to both of them. Individually of course. Things don't seem much better. But I pray that they will get better. H is definitely my long lost sister at heart, and T has become like a brother to me. Their relationship has been anything but "traditional and average" but at the heart of things, they love each other. I just pray that they can see past this difficult stage in their marriage, and see the love that they have for one another. I am reminded of the following passage...

Love is patient;

Love is kind;
Love is not envious
Or boastful
Or arrogant
Or rude.

It does not insist on its own way;
It is not irritable or resentful;
It does not rejoice in wrongdoing,
But rejoices in the truth.

It bears all things,

Believes all things,
Hopes all things,
Endures all things.

- Corinthians 13:4-7

I pray for my friends. That they find the peace and love that was once the center of their relationship. There will be ups and downs in their marriage, but their love will endure all things. I love you both. I pray for you every single day. And I have the faith that you will make it past these dark days.



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